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Finding My Fanatic

I’ve been trying to find out what I’m really a fan of. I mean I’m a fan of quite a few things but I’m not a fanatic about any of them. Over the past few years I’ve been in an ongoing inquiry about whether I am or can be fanatic about anything that brings me joy and if I can, what that thing might be. The other day I think I may have finally gotten a glimpse of what that might be, and it’s been hiding in plain sight.

I love comic books but have given away my collection. I love video games, much more PC than console, but I have no monument to them. Posters do not adorn my wall. Figurines do not line my shelves. I love books but once I’ve read them I seldom if ever go back to them. The few books I have in my bookcase tend to be those I either have yet to read or those I have yet to find the right person to give them to. I watch a lot of TV and movies, but I own no DVDs despite having more than one blue ray player. I love spending time with my true friends though they are few and our interaction is not as frequent as I would like. My continuing interests ebb and flow. Often, I’ve had quite enough of any one of them and just move on to another medium.

What is it I can’t get enough of? Clever people, great stories. It’s not the puzzles that I love but the minds behind them. That not-at-all average thinking really does it for me. That’s not all either. I like people who stand for intangible ideals, those that practice what they preach without actually preaching. Predictability, stagnation, people who talk but do not build, common thinkers resigned to a repetitive existence are abhorrent to me. They have no place in my private life.

What do I do when presented with these things I am truly fanatic about? When a good friend with that type of mind is available to shoot the breeze, I rearrange my entire day to be available. When a good story or character challenges my conventions with logic before emotion, I respond with emotional joy. I geek out. I binge watch. I sit in front of a video screen for hours, ignoring the passage of time. When a video game hooks my brain I give it hours of my life freely and mostly without reservation. I fall in love with my head long before my heart. I guess that’s why I always see it coming.

Of course, not all life is about my joy but having clarity about what brings me joy gives me freedom to do some re-planning and re-shaping of my life. Perhaps I can build something; a grouping of people, a social engine, a conscious charity, a corporate entity, an A.I. even, that will generate the things, situations, people, and pairings in alignment with my joy. What might that look like? Oh, I also can’t get enough of really tasty food but who can?

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