I need to create something, build something. It needs to be something grand, not necessarily in a way that will impress the world because, fuck them, they don’t matter. I need to impress myself. I need an accomplishment that impresses me. It needs to be a monument that I can look back to and remind myself how amazing I truly am. After it is finished I can get on with my life. I’m kind of in limbo until then and limbo is not a fun or fulfilling place to be. I know this because I have been here for some time and I can smell that it is far past the expiration date.
None of my past accomplishments matter in this. They don’t move me any more. I have grown and moved on. “What have I done lately?” is the question at hand. This can’t possibly be all there is to my contribution to the world. I know it’s not. I just don’t know what is next.
What do I do in the mean time? Well breakthroughs don’t really happen on purpose do they? I need inspiration, a muse of some sort. I also need to get to work. This energy is consuming me and I have to put it to use. So while I wait for my new purpose to become known to me I have to do three things. One: I have to create and complete a series of small accomplishments to keep the engine running. Two: I have to force myself into places and opportunities that do not fit my current thinking because my current thinking is not getting it done. Three: (Maybe this should have been number one.) I have to fully accept and take up the responsibility of creating the life I want. No more passing the baton or putting any portion of my future in the hands of others, not employers, not family or friends, and not old paradigms. Not knowing how or what exactly to do is no excuse.
I will succeed in this. This is not just hope or a dream. I speak and so it is. It has already begun.