The Winding Path

By some comparisons, especially financially, I’ve done every important thing late. I started investing late. I figured out what I wanted to be in life late. I forgave my parents late. I found myself late. I made peace with what I haven’t yet achieved late. There are even some things I have yet to complete that I started working on late like finding my tribe and obtaining life stability. LATE, LATE, LATE. Why stop now?

A deep dive into my past decisions will show mostly bad ones. They were strong decisions. I made them consciously and with conviction but in hindsight, quite a few times I was just wrong. So I have course-corrected and continued to move forward, backward, or in a circle until I got on a path that started to get me what I wanted at the time. Even what I wanted kept changing so the view of the path I took looks like a twisted mess.

Few friends have survived my eccentric journey and for those that stayed connected, I give them credit. Most didn’t and admittedly I still have one or two left to shed. I do so knowing that replacing them is hard and in many cases not possible. Honestly, this life journey I have been on has been a lonely one, not so much on the surface level but only a very few of my relationships have depth and complexity.

The beginning of a new year encourages me to take stock and adjust my path to make it more efficient, effective, and show I’ve learned something since the last measurement. Am I actually closer to my goals? Have I achieved something memorable? Am I more of who I think I should be? I actually have criteria for this.

The key for me is to remember that this is a path of choice. It consists of a series of choices and outcomes that I consciously made with the information that I had at the time. Good or bad, wrong or right, they are mine. I accept all the credit and all the blame. There may be a time when I have to come to account for all my sins and great works but it is not for that future moment that I live. I live to be awake and aware, to take action and move forward, to create and to build. While I may occasionally judge myself and find myself lacking I also shake it off. This has been and is a journey that I want to make. I am proud of it. I’ll leave the final judgment to God. You can keep yours to yourself.

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